I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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