a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
