I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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