Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
