You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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