I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
