Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
