turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
