Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
