ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
