Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
