I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
