There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
