it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
