Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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