i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize