Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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