My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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