I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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