my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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