you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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