If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
