i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
