Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
