so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
