I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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