I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
