I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
