dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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