Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
