The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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