So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize