dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
