I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize