then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
