I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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