if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
