he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
