But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
