whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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