no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
