If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
