It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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