I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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