I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
