whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
