I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
