haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You ruined the universe
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
