My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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