well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
