I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
