Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
