Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
