my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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