Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
