She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
