i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
