ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
