She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
