the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
