I'm jealous of your bromance
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
