My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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