My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
