no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
