I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sober January is a disaster.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
