So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
