Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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