Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
