The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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