Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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