if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
