I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
