who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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