Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
