You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
