You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i think my cat just said my name.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
