We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
