C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
