there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize