Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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