I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize