remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
