dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
