I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
