Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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