I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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