please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
