grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize