I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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