Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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