I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
