My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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